Navigating This Wild Ride

When the pandemic started it felt oddly like a vacation. I remember telling the kids they didn’t have school that Friday. Naive to the situation, they all jumped for joy and threw high-fives to celebrate this unexpected “snow day”. As the day off shifted into full quarantine, we felt safely isolated in our little bubble. We tackled house projects that we had been meaning to complete. We saw it as a temporary and refreshing opportunity to slow down, spend real time together and do all the things you never have time to do. However, the “honeymoon” phase quickly shifted to “when is this going to end and go back to normal?” Confusion morphed into fear and anxiety when these significant changes to our daily life, stayed. We felt like we were on a roller coaster going at top speed with no harness for safety. How do you navigate this wild ride when you feel completely out of control?

Is this our new normal?

It has taken me a while to fully realize that this IS our new normal. Life is constantly evolving, changing and shifting. Our “norm” is never stagnate. I realized that I had this preconceived notion that “things would go back to normal” during all seasons of change. My internal dialogue was “when the holidays are over, things will go back to normal”, “once we are settled into our new home, things will go back to normal”. When I think of that last statement, it sounds ridiculous that I would ever have that expectation. What is normal? Our definition of normal had to completely shift after our move across the country. Everything about our lives was different. So, why would I assume that life would “go back to normal”? This made me realize that the same applies as we shift out of quarantine.

Feeling out of Control

I think we cling to this idea of normal as a safety line to give us something concrete, safe and stable to hold onto. It’s scary being out of control. I recently went with my boys to Cranmore Adventure Park in New Hampshire. We rode a roller coaster that allows you to control your own speed. You get to slow down and speed up however you choose. In all honesty, this is the perfect roller coaster for me. I’m not the biggest fan of roller coasters.

Years ago when my then 10 year old decided not to ride a roller coaster at a theme park, I happily accompanied him on the “walk of shame” towards the exit. My own stomach was flip flopping and cringing at the thought of riding it. Not exactly my best parenting moment, but needless to say, I was happy to sit that one out. However, when I rode this self controlled roller coaster I felt safe. I had the brakes in my hand and I could press on them whenever it went too fast. Ironically, once I was able to test the brakes I no longer needed to use them. I wanted to go fast and feel that drop in my belly. I was oddly comfortable with the fear because I felt I had control. What we all want is to feel like we have our hands on the brake. We want to know we can slow things down when it gets too scary. But the real truth? We already have access to the brakes. We just need to realize how to take hold of them.

Take Hold of the Brakes

We have control of our choices and how we walk through life. I can choose to be fearful of what school will be like for my kids. I can lament that it won’t look “normal”. Or, I can take hold of the brakes, take a breath, and focus on creating the environment I want. The truth is we will never be able to control how they shaped the tracks of the roller coaster. But, we can control how we move on them. I can create the space of love, kindness, compassion and empowerment by shifting my own mindset. I can’t control how government or other people are responding to all the changes right now. There are many times I get triggered by everything going on in the world. But, knowing I have control over how I set my intentions and my mood gives me that anchor I need to feel safe. The truth is that we all hold the brake on this roller coaster ride of life. Now I know it sounds a little ethereal, or like I’m talking in bumper stickers, but there are tangible ways to apply this to your daily routine.

How do you Want to Feel?

Whenever you catch yourself lamenting or resisting change, press the brakes. Take a deep breath and ask yourself how you want to feel right now. Is it joy, calm, quiet, excitement, love, curiosity? Tap into the emotion you want to replace the discontent. The answer may be different each time you ask yourself. What area in your life offers you that feeling? Is it your career, relationships, physical activity or spirituality? Maybe you find it in helping others or doing acts of service for your loved ones?

My work in life coaching and pilates offers me connection, curiosity, problem solving and fulfillment. When I’m not working; I enjoy activities with my family, exercising, walking the dogs, meditating, writing, reading, or connecting with friends. All these things ground me in the present. If I continue to get pulled into the fear, I tap into my creativity. One creative outlet for me is planning. If it’s not through my work, it can be planning a meal, a workout, a trip, a weekend activity or a date night. When I have a “project” to focus on and get excited about, it gives me a purpose. Is there anything you can plan or a project you can create for yourself? As Glennon Doyle writes in her book Untamed, “what rings your bell”? Is there something even bigger you can connect to, such as a good cause?

Enjoy the Ride!

This is our life right now. This is the new normal for today. It looks different than any of us could have imagined. Positively it has allowed us to slow down and really take stock of what is important. On the other hand, it has triggered fear. When we are stuck in fear, it can feel as if it has thrown life out of rhythm. The ego takes advantage of this discombobulation and keeps us stuck in resistance. It’s about pulling yourself out of the distraction of the ego and redirecting your focus into the present moment. When we are present we are our most authentic selves. So take a hold of your “brakes” and connect with how you want to feel. Bring yourself into the present moment. Find what nutures your soul, go outside, connect with a loved one. Take whatever steps that resonate for you to step out of fear. Embrace this roller coaster of a life that we are on. But most importantly, remember to enjoy the ride!